Walk Away
by MewIchigoZoey
Summary: Set after the "Somebody to Love" number in "The Rhodes Not Taken". Rachel reflects on all that's happened to her and tries to deal with the heartache that comes from being Finn's friend.


_A/N: Hey everyone...MIZ here again, with a new oneshot. This was an idea that hit me and I just had to write it xD It takes place after the "Somebody To Love" number in **The Rhodes Not Taken**. I mainly wrote this because I wanted to express some feelings of my own from a similar heart break to this...it was a good vent...I didn't spend more than a couple hours writing this though so it may not be perfect..There's not really any Finchel fluff but it hints at things at times...It's in Rachel's POV 'cause she's my favorite character...AND I wanted to try and explore the feelings and confusion she was undoubtedly experiencing after Invitationals, with all that has happened to her. I apologize if I mixed any events up, I haven't watched this episode in awhile...though I might now, just for fun *takes out DVD*...Please review if you read this, and tell me how I did!_

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_Can anybody find me_

_Somebody to loooooove?_

Rachel feels her heart break as the 12 of them sing the last line of "Somebody To Love" -this song describes her feelings so well- and she wishes Finn would stop sneaking glances at her when he thinks she's not looking (and she's not...really...but she can feel when his eyes are on her). That grateful, ,joyous little grin of his...She does her best to be happy along with him.

Despite all the drama that went down with April Rhodes this week, she has her position back in Glee club. She is their star again. They need her to succeed. They need her talent. She's aware that they don't see her as a friend, despite Finn's words in the bowling alley last night, but she really meant it.

She wants to have friends, she's realized, and not just acquaintances who only come to her when they need her to sing and save their sorry butts (not that she doesn't like that too, it's nice to be needed.).

She watches as the curtains close, and hangs back, hiding a smile as the 11 of them go running offstage, enthusiastic and excited over the audience's reception of their performance. She knows she can be...controlling...abrasive...conceited...but she's still a good person at heart, she likes to think, and she really hopes that her fellow glee clubbers can find it in their hearts to overlook these bad traits about her and embrace the good that is in her.

She knows they can do it if they try...after all, if Finn can do it...so can they.

_Finn..._

The brunette fights back the wave of pity and sorrow that suddenly washes over her at the thought of the tall boy she's come to love. She can't let herself feel this way, she can't. She already promised herself that she'd be what he needed to her. A friend. That's all Finn needs right now, with the news of Quinn's pregnancy so fresh in his mind he's probably overwhelmed and scared. She's scared for him. She wants the best for him, and wants to help him but doesn't know how...Aside from rejoining Glee and helping everyone be the best they possibly can so Finn can hopefully get a scholarship and go to college, get a good job...help raise his baby.

_His baby..._

That stings. She can't help the hate building up in her heart right now...and no, it's not at Finn. She couldn't hate him if she tried, and honestly she doesn't even want to try. No, the hate she's feeling is for herself. She hates that her feelings for Finn clouded her good judgment. She honestly wishes she'd thought before agreeing to go bowling with the boy, and pondered as to why he was even in the choir room, talking to her in the first place. Sure, he'd said that he missed her...but she shouldn't have taken that the way she did.

She should have KNOWN he'd had ulterior motives to offering to help her learn her lines for the play...to asking her to go bowling...She should have been more guarded that night, but no -_she smiles somewhat bitterly to herself_- instead, she flung herself in the boy's arms, and flat out kissed him! Though she couldn't blame herself for being excited, because not only was that night her first night out with a boy, it was her first night out with _Finn Hudson_. He should have just told her that Quinn was pregnant, that he was trying to lure her back to Glee club using every and any means necessary, including his flirting with her.

She wishes she could stay angry at him, she really does. But...she can't. Because even after she confronted him in the hallway, and told him her dreams were bigger than him...What he said before, that that kiss was real...the look on his face when he said it is permanently etched into her mind, and she's convinced now.

She knows what the problem is. Finn took her out, hoping to "woo" her, to get her to return to Glee....but instead he ended up realizing his feelings for her WERE real. Just like she's known since that time in the auditorium, he likes her. _Like_ likes her. But he has a pregnant girlfriend...who HE impregnated. So he can't choose her. Not now..

As disappointed as she is in his choices, she can't be mad. Just the knowledge that Finn, though he may never admit it out loud, likes her back...it's enough for her.

So with that in mind, she simply can't let Finn down. She returned for him specifically. He may have hurt her, but Finn is still her friend. Her best and really, her ONLY friend if she's being honest. She'd never stop hating herself if she chased the boy away over something as petty as lying.

Besides, in her mind, this is the noble way to react. To put Finn's needs before her feelings, and do the right thing, it's what sets her apart from all the losers in this school...in this town. It may be considered brown nosing or being a goody goody...and her love may always remain nothing but a feeling, never to be experienced, but she's ok with that. Or she will be.

It will make for a great story when she's famous and being interviewed about what happened in high school. She'll hesitate just under 3 seconds before softly replying "I fell in love with my best friend".

Then when the interviewer asks her how her feelings were received, she'll respond "It never happened...but our friendship carried me to where I am today."

The audience will "Aww" and she'll hear several proclamations of love for her from crazy teenage boys in the audience, to which she'll simply blow a kiss to in the direction of the dark rows of chairs, and all will fall silent. Some viewers will giggle. It will be a beautifully painful, yet graceful interview.

She'll have a boyfriend, sitting in the audience and listening. He'll be smirking and mentally berating Finn for having let such a catch as her slip, then feeling grateful he caught her.

She'll come off the stage after the interview, only to be swept into the loving arms of whomever this man is, and after a brief yet passionate kiss, they'll go out to dinner, where he'll remind her again and again that he loves her, and she'll laugh before inviting him back to her one room apartment.

He'll oblige, of course, and they'll head to the place she calls home, and he'll proceed to show her just _how much_ he loves her...

"Rachel?"

"Huh, what??" Rachel snaps out of her daydreaming, embarrassed at the thoughts that were going through her mind, and plays with the black tie on her blue shirt, glancing up, then quickly averting her gaze from the tall boy in blue. Of course he'd come check on her. They may not be dating, but, as she already said, he's her best friend, and friends do that sort of thing. Maybe he's not always the most faithful friend, but he IS a friend...her only one.

"...Hey, Finn." She glances up and smiles just long enough to be considered polite before dropping her stare to the floor, secretly wondering it was that she sat down on this beam of wood (then wondering why anyone would leave a beam of wood sitting around like this). Had she really been so lost in thought that she'd neglected to notice what she was doing?

"Hey...what are you doing here?" The dark haired boy asks, and she just shrugs. "I don't really know...thinking..." she says softly,chewing her lower lip. Then, before the jock can ask about what, she hastily adds, "We sounded really good tonight, but we definitely need to work harder if we're to win Sectionals."

Finn just laughs, nodding his head slightly in acknowledgment of her statement and takes a seat beside her, his hands clasped together in his lap. "Yeah...we'll definitely have to keep in good shape and all that...it's like Coach Tanaka always tells us, you gotta stay loose, and play it cool...start out calm, but end it aggressively."

He blinks as the brunette giggles and rubs the back of his head awkwardly. "Ok...maybe not exactly like that...because football is totally more physical than show choir and all that but...you know...we gotta stay loose and prepared and..stuff." he breaks off.

Rachel nods in response and they both fall silent; Rachel, staring into the distance, avoiding looking his direction, for fear she'll remember all that's happened and cry again (and her crying in public is NOT ok); Finn, staring down at the top of her head, clearing his throat, sounding strained.

"Um, I.."

"..Yes, Finn?" She turns to look at him briefly, to show she acknowledges that he's speaking to her, but in the same speed, she's turned away. She may be a good actress, but she knows that Finn can see through her charades, and she doesn't need him to see through the one she's got up now.

"..I-I....I just wanted to say thanks...for saving us out there..." Finn hurries on. "You totally didn't have to do that, and the fact that you did even after all the crap I put you through, lying and stuff...it's just...well..you're really awesome, Rachel.."

She can feel the tears building in her eyes, and she wants to hit him. Because she knows it's his kind words breaking her, and nobody is supposed to be able to do that. "...That's what friends do," she says in a soft voice, hoping she doesn't sound as strangled as her speech does in her mind, "They assist one another in times of need...I meant what I said, if I let you down when you need me the most, I'd never forgive myself..."

"Yeah, I know...and I just..." Finn sighs. "I'm sorry, for what happened at the bowling alley. The kissing thing I mean..." He frowns as he sees the visibly stricken look on the petite brunette's face and rushes to continue before she cuts him off (and she's this close to just telling him to go away). "I mean, I'm not sorry about the kissing you thing...because...it was like really good and all, but...I mean...I'm sorry it happened under...these...circumstances." He waves his hand around as if to indicate everything that's going on.

Then his face becomes serious (yes, she's sneaking peeks, just taking care not to let him catch her) and he gently turns her head so she's facing him. "Look, Rach...I meant it when I said that kiss was real and all...I really like you...you're smart, and talented...and totally fun to hang out with, it's just..I...um..." He breaks off, not knowing what to say.

Rachel merely nods. She gets it. He's chosen Quinn, not her...why WOULD he choose her anyways, when he got Quinn pregnant? He needs to be a father for his child, and he can't do that if he picks her. It's ok. She's grown up and mature enough to accept and understand that. She can be Finn's friend...she can. Really.

"It's ok, I get it. You're trying to be there for Quinn and your unborn child. I understand and respect that. I'll back off." she responds after a moment's contemplation. "However, I still want to be there for you, Finn...and that's why I came back to Glee club...aside from the fact that you guys needed a 12th member for Invitationals tonight...you're going to need somebody to talk to, and I want to be that person if you'll allow me to be..." She smiles softly, her brown eyes staring into his.

Finn opens his mouth to say something but closes it, instead just staring at the tiny brunette before nodding. "Yeah...ok..." He glances back then, frowning, and she catches his stare.

"Go on, Finn...go take care of her. I know that's what you're thinking about...she needs you, so go on." She says quickly.

"...What about you?" The jock frowns at her, his eyebrows furrowing. "Are you going to be ok?"

"I'll be perfectly fine, Finn." Rachel says hurriedly, "It's Quinn you should worry about though, not me...so go on and tend to her, her needs. She needs you."

"Uhh...yeah....ok then...Thanks, Rach...you really are the coolest girl I've ever met." Finn gives her that half smile she loves before standing to his feet and running off.

Rachel's left sitting there watching him, unable to believe the mixture of hurt, abandonment and pride that's washing over her so suddenly. Finn thinks she's cool. Not just cool...but the coolest girl he's ever met. That means cooler than Quinn. Even though she's the one carrying his child, he considers Rachel cooler than her. She can't help but feel prideful (not to mention flattered) by that.

She sits there, staring down at her hands, fighting back the tears that she KNOWS she's going to cry tonight in her room as she wonders why the good girl has to be such a painful role.


End file.
